|IN THE WEE hours of the morning after American voters swept his party
from power, President George W. Bush made an extraordinary appearance
on national television to ask the national electorate for a "do-over."
Millions of viewers were tuned into televised Election Night coverage
when Mr. Bush, using the nation's Emergency Broadcasting System,
interrupted those telecasts to make a direct appeal to the American
Looking unshaven and unsteady, and occasionally slurring his words,
the president implored the American people to invalidate the results
of last night's election and vote again.
"I grew up with the great tradition of do-overs on the golf courses of
Greenwich, Connecticut," Mr. Bush told the American people. "And
what's good for golf is good for democracy."
Mr. Bush said that if the American people would grant him a do-over,
he would gladly fire Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, referring to
his longtime Cabinet member as "that loser."
Across the country, voters registered shock and astonishment at the
unorthodox speech by Mr. Bush, many of them troubled by the
president's decision to appear on national television wearing only a
One hour after the president's address, Democratic National Committee
chairman Howard Dean delivered the official Democratic response: "He
must be on crack."
But minutes after Mr. Dean's appearance, Mr. Bush interrupted the
networks' broadcasts once more, raising the ante in his bid for a
do-over: "All right, I'll fire Cheney's ass, too, but that's my final
Elsewhere, among the many who lost once-secure positions yesterday
were Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Penn), Sen. Lincoln Chaffeee (R-R.I.), and
Britney Spears' husband Kevin Federline.
[by Andy Borowitz]