|Latest Polling Shows Bush Losing Core Supporters
WASHINGTON June 15 - President Bush appears to be losing support among a
key group of voters who until now have stood firmly with the president.
A new Gallup poll shows that Bush's approval rating has fallen below
50% and now stands at just 44% among total fucking morons. This represents a
dramatic drop compared to a poll taken just last December when 62% of
total fucking morons expressed support for the president and his policies.
The current poll, conducted by phone with 1,409 total fucking morons
between June 4 and June 8, reveals that only 44% of those polled believe the
president is doing a good job, while 27% believe he is doing a poor
job, and 29% don't understand the question.
Faltering approval ratings for the president among a group once
thought to be a reliable source of loyal support makes Republicans nervous about
the upcoming mid-term elections.
"We've got a big problem if we can't depend on the support of total
fucking morons," says Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), Total fucking morons are a key
factor in our electoral strategy, and an important part of today's
"We've taken the total fucking moron vote for granted," says Rep. Tom
Feeney (R-FL), "and now we're paying for it." Feeney says the poll is a dire
warning for Republicans. "This should send a signal that we have to
regain control of the debate if we want the support of our key
constituencies in the coming election and beyond. We need to bring public discourse
back into the realm of stupidity and vacuity. We should be talking about
homosexual illegal immigrants burning flags. We should be talking about the
power of pride. We should be talking about freedom fries. These are the issues
that resonate with total fucking morons."
But some total fucking morons say it's too late. Bill Snarpel of Enid,
Oklahoma is a total fucking moron who voted for Bush in both 2000 and
2004. But he says he won't be voting for Bush in 2008. "I don't like it
that he was going to sell our ports to the Arabs. If the Arabs own the ports
then that means they'll let all the Arabs in and then we'll all be riding
camels and wearing towels on our heads. I don't want my children singing the
Star Spangled Banner in Muslim."
Total fucking moron Kurt Meyer of Turlock, California also says his once
solid support for Bush has collapsed. "He invaded Iraq and all those
soldiers died, and for what? We destroyed all their WMDs, but now
their new president is making fun of us and saying he's going to build nuclear
bombs and that we can't stop him. Well, nuclear bombs are even worse than
WMDs, so what did we accomplish?"
Laura McDonald, a total fucking moron from Chandler, Arizona, says
she is disappointed that the president hasn't been a more forceful advocate of
Christian values. "This country was founded on Christian values," she
says, "but you'd never know it with all the Mexicans running around. I thought
Bush was going to bring Jesus back into the government. Instead,
Christians are persecuted worse than ever before in history because all these
Mexicans come here and tell Christians that we have to respect their religious
beliefs. So now it's illegal for children to pray in school. Soon it
will be illegal for them to speak English."
Not all total fucking morons have turned their backs on the
president. Jeb Larkin of Topeka, Kansas says he still fully supports Bush. "He is
doing a great job. He is a great president. He is a great decider. I have a
puppy. His tail sticks straight up and you can see his butthole."
And not all Republican lawmakers are concerned about the poll, Sen.
Lamar Alexander (R-TN), for one. He agrees that the Republican party should
not take total fucking morons for granted, but he says they "really don't
have anywhere else to go. Just try having a conversation with one of them
about global warming. They'll say, 'Oh, but Rush says volcanoes consume
more ozone than humans do.' I mean, they're morons! Total fucking morons!"
"They've got nowhere else to go," Alexander reaffirms with a smile, "and
they always vote."