|Hookers Downgrade US Credit Rating
Shortchanging by Secret Service Draws Strong Rebuke
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Days after Secret Service agents
shortchanged a group of prostitutes in Colombia, the international
trade group representing hookers downgraded the United States’ credit
rating from AAA to B.
The strong rebuke from the International Alliance of Professional
Escorts came after a Secret Service agent reportedly paid one of its
members $30 for an $800 service, or only 4% of the stated price.
The statement from the International Alliance of Professional Escorts
said that in downgrading the United States’ credit rating it was
sending a clear message that its “members should be aware that doing
business with the government of the United States carries with it a
“We are urging our members to avoid conducting transactions with the
United States and to focus on more reliable customers, like the
International Monetary Fund,” the statement added.
Just hours after the announcement from the escorts’ group, the U.S.
Congress passed the following resolution blasting the Secret Service
for its actions: “We strongly denounce the Secret Service for
consorting with prostitutes, which has traditionally been Congress's
But it was not all bad news this week for the Secret Service, which
today reported a 5000% jump in enlistment.
The agency said that enlistment offices across the country have been
packed with prospective agents, including House Speaker Newt Gingrich,
who abruptly dropped out of the Presidential race to join.