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democracy shortage!
Author Jim Devine
Date 11/04/14/12:56
Hit Count 612

Exporting Democracy Has Led to Shortages of it in U.S., Experts Say
Wisconsin, Florida Hardest Hit


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – The U.S. policy of exporting
democracy abroad has meant that there is very little of it left at
home.

That is the grim assessment of a new study commissioned by the
University of Minnesota, which predicts that if the U.S. continues to
export democracy at its current pace it may completely run out of it
at home by the year 2015.

“We have been exporting democracy to Afghanistan and Iraq while there
are severe shortages of it in Wisconsin and Florida,” said Professor
Davis Logsdon, who supervised the study. “This is madness.”

Citing the study, Speaker of the House John Boehner said today, “It
has been clear to me for some time that we must explore alternative
forms of government, such as oligarchy or plutocracy.”

Noting that democracy originated in Greece, Mr. Boehner added, “We
must reduce our dependence on foreign sources of government.”

The University of Minnesota study contains several proposals, such as
outsourcing the U.S. government to the world’s largest democracy,
India.

“The work done by Congress could be accomplished much more efficiently
by a series of electronic phone prompts,” the study recommends.

But Mr. Boehner warned that eliminating Congress entirely would have
disastrous effects: “That would destroy entire sectors of our economy,
especially the prostitution industry.”

Speaking from one of the states hardest hit by the democracy shortage,
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker downplayed the seriousness of the problem,
calling democracy “overrated.”

“Teachers may teach our children that democracy is important,” he
said, “but the solution is to get rid of the teachers.”

[by Andy Borowitz]

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