webshells.com/nwuco Forum
webshells.com/nwuco Forum
| Author | Jim Devine |
| Date | 11/02/22/09:33 |
| Hit Count | 676 |
| State Department Offers Support ‘to Whoever Winds Up Winning’
Promises ‘Strongest Possible Monitoring of Events from Afar’ WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – As pro-democracy protests spread around the world, the US State Department today issued its strongest words to date about the situation, offering “to stand by whichever side winds up winning.” That pro-winning-side message, articulated today by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, was intended to send a clear signal that the United States is willing to put all of its power and prestige on the line as soon as matters are settled by others. “The United States has and will always be a beacon of freedom and democracy,” Secretary Clinton said. “And in that capacity, we are vigilantly standing on the sidelines and offering the strongest possible monitoring of events from afar.” Joining her at the State Department press conference, President Barack Obama echoed her statement, telling reporters, “I am behind Secretary Clinton’s mixed message one hundred percent.” “To dictators who think they can get away with oppressing their people, let me say this,” President Obama continued. “The United States of America is standing by, thousands of miles away, to see how this mess turns out.” As for any possible change in policy in the future, Secretary Clinton seemed to rule that out: “We will remain consistent in our policy of issuing meaningless statements at random intervals.” Sec. Clinton, however, did urge dictators to resist the temptation to pass power on to their sons: “If that had happened on ‘The West Wing,’ that would have been Charlie Sheen.” [by Andy Borowitz] |