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Changing personnel at the top
Author Jim Devine
Date 10/04/20/08:53
Hit Count 671

Goldman CEO to Perform Community Service as Treasury Secretary
‘Will Do Less Harm’ in New Post, Says Treasury Spokesperson

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – In a settlement of the government’s
securities fraud case against Goldman Sachs, the bank’s CEO, Lloyd
Blankfein, has agreed to perform two years of community service as
Treasury Secretary of the United States.

At a press conference in New York, Mr. Blankfein said that as Treasury
Secretary he would “continue to do God’s work as I did at Goldman, but
at a significant pay cut.”

A Treasury Dept. spokesperson said that by performing community
service as Treasury Secretary, Mr. Blankfein will be able to do less
harm to the economy because he will have significantly less power than
he had as Chairman of Goldman.

His experience at Goldman, however, will be “invaluable” in his new
role as Treasury Secretary, the spokesperson said: “Lloyd Blankfein’s
years of marketing worthless securities have prepared him for the
important task of selling Treasuries to the Chinese.”

Mr. Blankfein is the latest in a long line of Goldman chairmen to
serve as Treasury Secretary, although he is believed to be the first
to do so while wearing an electronic ankle bracelet.

(by Andy Borowitz)

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