|Leaked Memo reveals Senate CompromiseCare
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - The United States Senate today
unveiled details of its health care plan, tentatively called
Under CompromiseCareTM, people with no coverage will be allowed to
keep their current plan.
* Medicare will be extended to 55-year-olds as soon as they turn 65.
*You will have access to cheap Canadian drugs if you live in Canada.
*States whose names contain vowels will be allowed to opt out of the plan.
*You get to choose which doctor you cannot afford to see.
*You will not have to be pre-certified to qualify for cremation.
*A patient will be considered "pre-existing" if he or she already exists.
*You'll be free to choose between medications and heating fuel.
*Patients can access quality health care if they can prove their name
*You will have access to natural remedies, such as your demise.
*The Public Option: all U.S. citizens have access to emergency rooms
at public hospitals.
[edited: I added one point.]