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DP shocker
Author Jim Devine
Date 08/11/05/06:56
Hit Count 378

Failure to Blow Election Stuns Democrats
Party Faithful Mourn End to Losing Tradition

JUST MINUTES after their party's longstanding losing tradition lay in
tatters on the ground, millions of shell-shocked Democrats stared at
their television screens in disbelief, asking themselves what went
right.

For Democrats, who have become accustomed to their party blowing an
election even when it seemed like a sure thing, Tuesday night's
results were a bitter pill to swallow.

The head-shaking and finger-pointing over the demise of the Democrats'
losing streak, which many of the party faithful had worn like a badge
of honor, reached all the way to the upper echelons of the Democratic
National Committee.

"Believe me, I'm as shocked by these results as anybody," said DNC
chief Howard Dean, who indicated he has received hundreds of calls
from incredulous party members. "We did everything in our power to
screw this thing up."

Dean pointed to several key elements the Democrats put in place to
ensure defeat, ranging from "a rancorous primary campaign" to "the
appointment of me."

"Somehow, despite our best efforts to snatch defeat from the jaws of
victory, we won," he said. "I came in here with a mandate to blow
this thing and I didn't get it done."

Carol Foyler, a lifelong Democrat who owns a loom supply store in
Portland, Maine, said she has been "nearly catatonic" since the
election results were announced.

"For the past eight years, I've fixed myself some herbal tea, turned
on NPR, and ranted about the Republicans," she said. "All that has
been taken from me."

Elsewhere, Sen. John McCain offered this comment on Sen. Barack
Obama's victory: "My friends, I've got him just where I want him."

[by Andy Borowitz]

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