|White House Seeks Lying Czar
Would Coordinate Distortions about Iraq, Afghanistan [by Andy Borowitz]
The White House in recent weeks has been quietly searching for
candidates for the position of "lying czar," a high-level
administrator who would oversee all distortions and misrepresentations
about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, a White House source confirmed
News of the administration's search for a "lying czar" raised eyebrows
in official Washington, where many insiders believe that the White
House already has enough personnel to handle the creation and
dissemination of war-related lies.
Specifically, many insiders wonder why an administration that already
has advisor Karl Rove and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice would
also need a "lying czar."
"The Bush administration has a lot of world-class manpower,
lying-wise," one insider said. "This whole 'lying czar' thing seems
like an unnecessary layer of bureaucracy."
But White House insiders disagree, saying that those who believe a
"lying czar" is unnecessary are oblivious to the overwhelming volume
of distortions that are sorely in need of coordination at a high
"On any given day, the Defense Department and the State Department
will produce lies that are directly in conflict with each other, and
that's counterproductive," one insider said. "A 'lying czar' would
change all that."
Professor Davis Logsdon, who holds the Clifford Irving chair at the
University of Minnesota's School of Communication, says that the need
for a "lying czar" reveals certain weaknesses in the current Bush
"When I hear that the White House is looking for a lying czar, one
thing becomes clear," Dr. Logsdon said. "They really miss Rumsfeld."
Elsewhere, responding to criticism, the National Gardening Association
said it would no longer use the term "hoe."