|From: Max Sawicky
Date: Mon, 19 Apr 1999 10:26:58 -0400
Courtesy of David McReynolds.
Pretty impressive rhyme and meter.
THE MODERN CYBER-CITIZEN'S SONG. By Marcus Bales.
I am the very model of a modern cyber-netizen
All logic I dispense with, and all taste and manners jettison;
I'm found on TV, radio, and many other "medias"
But cyberspace is where I'm most particularly tedious.
I come in every stripe from the conservative to radical
And know it all except for how to spell or be grammatical.
I haven't got a clue about the use of logicality
And drivel on with made-up-factoid bargain-bin banality.
I flame opponents hairless from a dozen different pseudonyms,
Each one a ruder, lewder pun on Anglo-Saxon crudonyms,
And where I find civility and hot debate have been at ease
I break it up with spamming, flaming, scrolling and obscenities.
I'm ignorant in every field, poetic to statistical,
Which only makes my points of view more thoroughly sophistical;
My attitude's aggressive and my tone is sanctimonious,
My facts are bad, conclusions wrong, and arguments erroneous;
My posts are pure unparagraphed expressions of my vanity,
Impossible to parse except perhaps for the profanity.
I'm known for disputatiousness and other sorts of knavery
From purposeful mendacity to things yet more unsavory.
The places civil reason is accounted most iniquitous
Are places where you'll find me inescapably ubiquitous.
In short, all logic I reject, all taste and manners jettison
Because I am the model of a modern cyber-netizen!